For the siblings

[cynthiatweedle]

For the siblings
Living with a brother or sister who has ADHD can present real conflicts for his or her siblings. For instance, a child with ADHD may push other siblings around or take their personal belongings. Perhaps the child with ADHD is incapable of completing household chores, leaving the bulk of responsibility to other siblings. Or maybe the time and attention spent on the child with ADHD leads other siblings to feel neglected. While they may dearly love their brother or sister with ADHD, siblings may argue and become disobedient because they resent how the disorder is affecting their lives.

www.adhdinfo.com/info/parents/living/par_adhd_and_family_life.jsp?checked=y

Does anyone else have situations where the siblings of the child with ADHD suffer? I am asking because I do have such a situation. My granddaughter without ADHD sometimes breaks down and cries "Why does she do this to me?" How would you answer such a question? I am at a loss.

[lisacap]

I live with it daily, my daughter is always asking why she has to have him for a brother...and why they never get to do anything because of his behavior, when he is punished, it punishes the whole house...I find that I give in more to Christian, so that Mikayla and Justin can have some alone time with each other or with me...as they always say 3 is a crowd, the 2 little ones can play together for hours on end, and you don't know they are around as soon as Christian is in the picture, she is crying. It is very hard for her to understand why he does what he does, and now that she is getting older, she will say "Did he take his meds yet?" My explanation always is that he can't control what he does, and that he does love her, but she needs to some times just stay out of his way, when he is on a rampage...I did find that when he is acting up to them, and I totally ignore him, and take the other too and start to play a game or dance and sing around with them, he will eventually want to join in..but this time he is the odd man out, so he has to be the one to ask to join, and it keeps him under control for the time being...at that point she is the boss, not him...try doing something like that it may help, it does here for a while.....sorry so long...but I could go on and on forever.....

[cynthiatweedle]

Thanks Lisacap. I see I'm not alone. For some reason what you wrote made me feel better. I think maybe it's because I feel guilty that I can't make things fair and seeing someone else in the same position helps me to put it into perspective. I'll take your suggestion and spend some time with the non diagnosed child. That may not only help her but help me feel that at least I am doing something. Thanks again.

[lisacap]

What's the age difference between them, I also find that when I am doing something for Mikayla, like taking her for her Communion dress, and booking her party etc....I can see his jealous rage coming, so before he gets out of control, I try to ( doesn't always work) but I try, and explain to him that everything I am doing for her, I did exactly if not more for him....she doesn't complain, but he will, I have to sometimes pull out pictures to show or rather prove to him that he had the same..he always seems to forgot..and the sad part is, Mikayla very rarely asks for anything, and if she does it is nothing compared to what he has..I also started to save reciepts for gifts, where he doesn't believe anymore and she still does, so when he is on his "she gets everything kick" I can pull out the receipts and say, you may have both got 10 things for xmas, but hers came to 300.00 and yours came to 1000.00...I find with him I have to use exact words or examples, never an analogy he doesn't get them...but when the sibling fued is on, I find myself trying to prove to him that he isn't the only one who is in trouble, or gets less..my goal is to make him accept responibilty for what he does, and then maybe he won't always be in trouble....make any sense.. I hope so...again sorry so long...

[cynthiatweedle]

The memory thing is very familiar. Also, trying to get her to accept responsiblity. The scary thing is that when they are grow up they will remember it they way they thought it was.

You have some good ideas though.