At what age do they get it?

My son is 11 1/2 and he doesn't "get it" yet. The kids he knows seem to like someone one day and not like them the next so I have no idea when the ball will drop and he will realize they aren't really friends. He doesn't get invited to their parties either and just doesn't understand why.

my daughter too thinks that everyone is her friend. even children she meets at a playground for an hour and never sees again are her "friend". I guess I am the lucky one here. she really is very social, she always has invites to parties and playdates. she is more inattentive so she really doesn't annoy children too much.

Oh boy, my son is the combo type. I was really counting on him just getting it one day due to maturity. Has anyone tried explaining it in detail? For example, watching a situation, and then later explaining what went wrong, why, and what they should do next time? I have been telling my son that when he makes faces at his neighbor in class and she ignores him, that means she does not think it is funny and that he should not do it anymore. He was surprised. Has anyone tried social skills classes or cognitive behavior therapy?

My son had a pull out in 2nd grade where he would go have one on one with a para who played games with him designed to help with social skills. The would look at pictures of people with different expressions and discuss how that person was feeling, what to do if you saw that expression on someone's face when you were with them. They discussed personal space and I don't know what else. They also had time when they would get together with 2 or 3 other kids who were doing the same thing.

It was fantastic. I did have to work with my son at home but those pull outs made a big difference. Unfortunately it was something the district was trying for one year only and they didn't get a grant the following year and let it go. He still can recognize the facial expressions but without the ongoing support and help learning to control things at the developmental stage he is in, he has lost much of what he could control.

That said, if you can get him into something like that, I would grab the opportunity. Keep him going as long as possible. If I had the chance, even at 11 1/2, maybe especially at his age, I would enroll him in a heartbeat.

Thanks!! I am contemplating a pretty intensive approach, and perhaps it is the right thing to do. I have him scheduled with a therapist who specializes in children/ADHD/behavior therapy. I was going to ask the therapist to focus on social interactions/social intelligence. Also, I found a social skill class that runs bi-monthly Jan-June, and another at an ADHD clinic that has a series of six 2 hr sessions in the spring. I am actually thinking of doing all three. I keep reading posts describing children ages 11 and up who flat out refuse to participate in this type of thing. I'm thinking about approaching it 110% while he's still eager, happy, and willing. Does anyone think this is overkill?

I think I would try them and if he doesn't like doing all of them, possibly you could choose the one you feel is benefitting him most and proceed with that. He will have had some control over the decisions so may be less likely to refuse any of them that way.

Just make sure he does enjoy them. They should be fun for him and not seem like work or school.

no way, that's a great tool you should use it. If he is ready to learn and apply himself in his younger years. He will have a better chance of going through different stages of his life with greater ease. Socially, financially, and mentally. Go for it