Post by misty on Jun 29, 2006 13:01:32 GMT -5
This is taken from The Celebrate! newsletter.........If you wish to subscribe, I will add the link at the bottom
Tired of yelling, nagging, threatening and negotiating with your child?
Perhaps it’s time to let your child discipline himself. Intriguing, eh? Here’s the key. It’s all about giving your child choices—but not in the traditional sense.
~ ~ ~
Travis won’t stop picking on his sister. Dylan throws a tantrum when you ask him to leave the pool. Will argues with you over everything. Sara whines because she’s bored.
Our first reaction is to say, “Stop.” “Don’t do that.” And then we rant and rave. Guess what? Your kids LOVE getting this reaction from you. You’re giving them the attention and mental stimulation they want.
You can try fighting your child. But you will lose. Because they are expert lawyers by age 5 and have the fortitude to wear you down. There is another way…
Deliver Choices and Consequences Unemotionally
In order to make this work, you must deliver your choice matter-of-factly (unemotionally!) and enforce meaningful consequences consistently.
Introduce the Language of Choice to Your Child
“It’s your choice, Dylan. You can leave the pool calmly and play with Joey later. Or you can throw a tantrum and lose playtime. It’s up to you.”
“Sara, you can choose to whine all day if you like. In fact, you can even whine louder so everyone can hear. But you are not going to get what you want. If you continue, we will cancel the trip to the toy store. It’s your choice.”
“Will, you can argue until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t bother me. But it won’t change the fact that we are going to see Dr. Carpenter today. If you choose to stop arguing, we can stop at Tommy’s after the appointment. If you continue arguing, we’ll come right home. You choose.”
WHAT YOUR CHILD LEARNS
Responsibility. Your child, not his Mom or Dad, is responsible for his actions.
Ownership. Your child will build ownership over himself, his attitude and his future.
Confidence. Our kids often feel out of control, but you are letting your child know he does have the power inside to choose. Praise your child for good choices. This breeds confidence.
Order. It shows your child a direct and immediate correlation between his actions/attitudes and specific consequences. He knows exactly what to expect.
HOW PARENTS BENEFIT
Peace. This is liberating. You don’t have to nag, yell or try to negotiate with your kids.
Freedom. How many times has your child said, “You made me lose my playtime!” You no longer have to accept blame. Your child made a clear choice.
Less Stress. After you implement this strategy consistently, you will simply have to utter one or two words in most situations: “Your choice.”
Control. Some people think choices give your child control. Just the opposite. You are more in control. You have chosen the rewards and consequences. And you are not negotiating, nagging or threatening anymore.
It takes some practice and your kids will test you. So stay calm, be consistent and you’ll find your home becomes much more peaceful!
Thank You
To each of you has invited us into your homes and families and lives, thank you for the trust. We do not take it lightly. Let us know how we may serve you.
Kirk and Anita Martin
Founders, Celebrate!ADHD
www.celebrateadhd.com/
Tired of yelling, nagging, threatening and negotiating with your child?
Perhaps it’s time to let your child discipline himself. Intriguing, eh? Here’s the key. It’s all about giving your child choices—but not in the traditional sense.
~ ~ ~
Travis won’t stop picking on his sister. Dylan throws a tantrum when you ask him to leave the pool. Will argues with you over everything. Sara whines because she’s bored.
Our first reaction is to say, “Stop.” “Don’t do that.” And then we rant and rave. Guess what? Your kids LOVE getting this reaction from you. You’re giving them the attention and mental stimulation they want.
You can try fighting your child. But you will lose. Because they are expert lawyers by age 5 and have the fortitude to wear you down. There is another way…
Deliver Choices and Consequences Unemotionally
In order to make this work, you must deliver your choice matter-of-factly (unemotionally!) and enforce meaningful consequences consistently.
Introduce the Language of Choice to Your Child
“It’s your choice, Dylan. You can leave the pool calmly and play with Joey later. Or you can throw a tantrum and lose playtime. It’s up to you.”
“Sara, you can choose to whine all day if you like. In fact, you can even whine louder so everyone can hear. But you are not going to get what you want. If you continue, we will cancel the trip to the toy store. It’s your choice.”
“Will, you can argue until you are blue in the face. It doesn’t bother me. But it won’t change the fact that we are going to see Dr. Carpenter today. If you choose to stop arguing, we can stop at Tommy’s after the appointment. If you continue arguing, we’ll come right home. You choose.”
WHAT YOUR CHILD LEARNS
Responsibility. Your child, not his Mom or Dad, is responsible for his actions.
Ownership. Your child will build ownership over himself, his attitude and his future.
Confidence. Our kids often feel out of control, but you are letting your child know he does have the power inside to choose. Praise your child for good choices. This breeds confidence.
Order. It shows your child a direct and immediate correlation between his actions/attitudes and specific consequences. He knows exactly what to expect.
HOW PARENTS BENEFIT
Peace. This is liberating. You don’t have to nag, yell or try to negotiate with your kids.
Freedom. How many times has your child said, “You made me lose my playtime!” You no longer have to accept blame. Your child made a clear choice.
Less Stress. After you implement this strategy consistently, you will simply have to utter one or two words in most situations: “Your choice.”
Control. Some people think choices give your child control. Just the opposite. You are more in control. You have chosen the rewards and consequences. And you are not negotiating, nagging or threatening anymore.
It takes some practice and your kids will test you. So stay calm, be consistent and you’ll find your home becomes much more peaceful!
Thank You
To each of you has invited us into your homes and families and lives, thank you for the trust. We do not take it lightly. Let us know how we may serve you.
Kirk and Anita Martin
Founders, Celebrate!ADHD
www.celebrateadhd.com/
