Helping Your Little Tyrant Avoid Outbursts

[misty]

Does your child come unglued when things don't go his way? A little parental restraint can ease the pain—for both of you.

Sometimes it seems as if children who have AD/HD can't get enough out of life—no matter how much they're given. This is especially true for youngsters with the hyperactive form of AD/HD, which can trigger violent reactions even to minor letdowns. One child I worked with blew up at the teacher when a little rain delayed school recess. Another wept inconsolably after being told he wouldn't be able to stop for ice cream after a fun-filled day. ..............

More here:

www.additudemag.com/ourkids.asp?DEPT_NO=301&SUB_NO=48

[misty]

Funny, I was going to come in here & complain about my daughter's behavior as of late & decided to make it a reply of this thread since it ties in.

I'm getting sick of heasring "I'm bored" and if you dont jump right in with some GREAT activity, it just escalates!

She has a great imagination & is constantly dreaming up these "Marvelous activities". Problem is, they are not Always feasible for the moment & if you tell her so, then the whining, pestering & attitude emerges! UGH!

I'd have thought by age 12 SOME maturity would be evident, but I'm not seeing much lately. She at times still acts as she did at 7.

[unicorn-tiff'smom]

Tiff constantly either says she is bored or she can't find anything to do. She has to be on the go all the time. Examples...

Saturday - her b-day party 1-3, went to a friends from the party until 6, then I watched her ride her bike, dinner, then read 5 books to her and then we watched a movie and she finally fell asleep.

Sunday - went to a friends for almost 2 hrs. as soon as she came home she called every other friend she had and either no one was home or they already had plans. so outside to ride bikes and play outside, she did this for 3 hrs. then dinner and then back and forth between reading, playing, coloring, until I finally said bed time.

And if I tell her she can't try all these people or if I ask her to wait lets say a half an hour before going outside, she has a fit.

We can't always give the instant gratification that they crave....any suggestions?

[misty]

You got it exactly, Unicorn! Shannon does the same thing!

Also, I find myself not even telling her if I'm calling to see if my cousins daughter can come over to swim or play because if they arent home or they say maybe in a little while , Shannon will PESTER me every 5 seconds. "Did they call yet?", Try calling again mom!", etc! ARGH!

I'd love to hear some unique suggestions too. IO've tried everything I can think of!

[unicorn-tiff'smom]

This sooo happens at our house. If a parent says that their child may, emphasis on "may" call after 4 when they get home from another engagement, Tiff will keep checking to see if it is 4. Then when it is after 4 and they don't call, she wants to call them. She doesn't understand that may or maybe isn't a yes.

Yes any suggestions would be helpful.

[misty]

Yes, exactly!! Plus, I try & teach Shannon that NO, you cant call someone 50 times & pester the crap out of them trying to get them to SAY yes! But she just doesn't seem to get it! I dont know if its part of the immaturity factor of ADDers or what, but at age 12 I expect her to be grown out of some of that behavior......but shes not!

[unicorn-tiff'smom]

When Tiff calls her friends for a playdate, she asks the mothers if she can come over to their house. I have never taught her to just call and invite her over to someone's house. I don't understand it either. She does the same thing to me. She calls me at work when she gets home. Then as soon as she knows that work is closed she is calling me on my cell to see when I am getting home. This is only a difference of about a half an hour between calls.

[leigh]

Oh my gosh. I relate to all your stories. My ten year old will freak completely out if he's not doing something he wants to do. He is so dependent on having a friend to play with that he will call and call and call until he finds someone. He will go into near panic mode if I say no about calling someone.

We were at the ER yesterday morning. Nothing terrible happened, but my younger one had to have a HUGE splinter removed from under his fingernail. Ouch. Sounds awful, but it really wasn't as bad as you might think (other than the injection to numb his finger). ANYWAY.......my ten year old had to go because we couldn't find anyone to keep him. He pestered me 100 times or more about calling his friend. The more I said no, the more belligerent he got. He was frantic to get a play date organized and was so rude to me in the process. I wanted to ground him for the day but I knew I needed to keep my younger one quiet for a few hours, and I was quite frankly ready to drive off and leave my ten year old at the hospital. LOL! Well, I took him to his friend's house later.

Where am I going with this story? No idea. LOL! Just wanted to say I relate to this topic. Glad I'm talking about it. I've been ready to pull my hair out.

[unicorn-tiff'smom]

I don't know how to make it different. Tonight my mother was going to take Tiff to the store to run an errand for me. She called my mother and my mother said she'd call her back in a few minutes. Well, guess who called back. Tiff. She waited a few minutes and called my mother back. My mother then said she was on the other line, and would call back. Well she waited another few minutes and called back again. Finally my mother showed up.

[annem]

Oh I can relate too !! ..... What you are describing here was soooooo definitely my son Sam when he was younger ...

He is now 18 and I am unfortunately hesitating on saying this gets better ... because although it has of course got better than when he was younger ... the impatience is still there in many ways ... I also still see him sometimes getting irate because someone he is trying to call isn't available ... and he tries time and time and time again to get through to that particular person who is obviously not currently available!!

It doesn't happen that often in today's cell phone society ... but when it does and someone's phone is off it drives him MAD ... and it drives ME mad watching it driving him mad!!

[misty]

Keep Sharing, Anne! Its a glimpse into my ADDers future! LOL

From what I've read on your site about your son, you've well-equipped him to deal with life & raised a fine young man!

I'm sure we can ALL benefit from your advice (or ADDvice...LOL)

[INaBOX]

These are too funny. I can surely relate to all of them .. or most. My son is always putting me on the clock. We have a new system now, after dinner he's to play for 10-15 minutes in his room INDEPENDENTLY. This gives us (our student and I) enough time to finish cleaning up and do the dishes (she likes helping me .. really, I don't make her do it LOL) Anyhow, within that time, "Mo-o-om, is it time yet? How many more minutes?" on and on .. I don't know WHY I haven't started using the timer yet. Case in point though, once he's fixated on something, it's hard to divert him from it.

[unicorn-tiff'smom]

You are right INaBOX. Once they are fixated. There is another thread called "I call it dog with a bone" and it talks about when they are so fixated that nothing else matters.

I would definetly try the egg timer for the 10-15 minutes you need.

[INaBOX]

Oh we've used the timer for all sorts of things in the past. But gosh darn-it! Do you ever get fed up having to create a plan for EVERYTHING?! lol I know it's just a timer and implementing it would be simple. It's just at the given moment, I'm not scheming up plans while I'm washing dishes.

I love my kiddo but sometimes I feel like I have to analyze every darn minute of the day. (sigh) He's worth it though.