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Post by misty on Jul 8, 2006 22:51:09 GMT -5
Ok, its my turn to ask for ideas.
My niece is spending the week. Shes almost 11 & my daughter just turned 12. Everything went fine at first. Until today.
The novelty has worn off & Shannon decided shes just doing her own thing no matter what my niece wants to do. several times I found Michelle (my niece) wandering around bored, only to find my daughter in her room with the headphones on or watching a movie. When I told her to do something with Michelle, Shannons answers were:
"But she only likes BABY shows"
"But I'm BORED with what SHE wants to do"
"But this is my FAVORITE show"
I talked to Michelle & she said they werent fighting & she was having fun, but it seemed to me she was just trying to be polite. I know shes happy just being away from her brothers for awhile, but I feel so bad!
I told Shannon she BETTER do things WITH Michelle tomorrow or I will take away her TV & radio & then she'll have no choice!
Am I expecting too much from a 12 year old ADDer? I mean, she WAS great the first few days. Has she just reached her threshold of patience? Should I let them do their own things & not worry?
I guess I was taught growing up that you do what the guest wants to do whether you like it or not & I'm expecting Shannon to do the same. Maybe I just worry too much.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jul 9, 2006 0:16:22 GMT -5
Does your niece have interests that you could help her get into without Shannon? If so, that would give both girls a break from having to feel that they have to entertain each other and they may actually find things they still want to do together once it isn't constant.
I would go nuts if I had to be in someone's shadow or have them in mine all the time. I think it would be good for both girls to have some things to do on their own. It would also help your niece be more comfortable if she felt more like family and less like company.
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Post by misty on Jul 9, 2006 0:49:44 GMT -5
We did! HEr & I have been making Crayons nonstop. Tomorrow we are making lables for them.
And of course she knows shes loved & shes family!
I didn't talk to Shannon about it in FRONT of Michelle! I talked to her while Michelle was in the Shower. Michelle is oblivious. She asked today if she can stay an extra night. Shes away from her brothers & that makes her happy.
But I still feel That Shannon should not snub her. Should not be so self-centered. When Michelle goes looking to play with her, Shannon has an excuse everytime lately! GRR!
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jul 9, 2006 1:10:10 GMT -5
You can lay down the law. No pool unless she spends a certain amount of time playing with Michelle. She should spend some time with her as Michelle is visiting her.
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Post by misty on Jul 9, 2006 16:56:41 GMT -5
Well, today went MUCH better. So far they are playing together & giggling & NOT fighting!  I think the fact that this is the last whole day they have together is helping. |
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Post by jj on Jul 9, 2006 20:49:36 GMT -5
Well thats good to hear. If there is a next time I think Barb's advise was good. The rules could be you have to spend X amount of time doing things together. Each should have time to watch their favorite show, etc. and then time apart. Misty, I was brought up the same way. You cater to the guests wants and needs. But a whole week is a bit much for anyone, ADHD or not. Sure we as adults can tolerate someone for that long but I bet most of us are pretty darn happy when goodbyes are said and that door is closed.  I do think you did do right by trying to persuade Shannon to spend more time with her. It is a good lesson that sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do and try to be pleasant about it. To expect her to be with her guest all the time. Nope. It's good you stepped in to entertain her while your daughter had a break even though it may have been a wee too long of a break. LOL |
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annem
Founding Member 
Posts: 138
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Post by annem on Jul 10, 2006 14:21:28 GMT -5
Oh I can relate ... or at least looking BACK I can relate ... My (now 18) year old Sam has always needed his own "personal space"/ "me time" ... I remember when he was around 8 and we took a friend on holiday ... and the friend was Sam's shadow the entire week... Sam spent most of the holiday trying to "shake him off" ... and I was soooo embarrassed and mortified!!  We vowed never to take a friend on holiday again !! ... and we didn't ... until last year when Sam was 17 and we took a friend to Spain with us for 2 weeks .. and I was nervous .. BUT 90% of me says "what a difference a few years makes" ... because it sure was soooo much easier .. and they got on FINE for the whole 2 weeks ... BUT there was STILL the 10% of Sam who needed to do something "separate" from his friend and fortunately his friend (of the same age!) appeared to have exactly the same "need" ... and it therefore worked out pretty well .. they spent most of the time together but if one wanted to do something the other didn't that was "fine" ... but it sure isn't so easy when they are younger!!  I think (if experience is anything to go by) that Shannon will be relieved when her cousin goes home ... although at the same time this isn't actually anything AGAINST her cousin ... |
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Post by misty on Jul 10, 2006 20:58:17 GMT -5
I think (if experience is anything to go by) that Shannon will be relieved when her cousin goes home ... although at the same time this isn't actually anything AGAINST her cousin ... You pegged that one, Annem! Michelle left at noon today. I just asked Shannon if she missed her & she replied with a resounding NO! I said "But you had such fun together". She said "Yes, but its nice to just do whatever I want. I love her but I dont miss her".  |
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