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Post by unicorn-tiff'smom on Jul 25, 2006 11:02:30 GMT -5
Does your child get a hold a something and won't let it go or drop? This is what I mean. Tiff will hear something and won't let it drop until you give her an answer. If someone calls for me, she wants to know what they wanted. If I say it is none of your concern, she will say "tell me, tell me, tell me." Again I will tell her it is not her business. She will continue to ask until I get really upset or just tell her.
She has this type of behavior all the time with all sorts of stuff. This morning, it was vending machine money for camp. I told her that I wasn't going to give her 1 or 2 dollars everyday for junk. If I say I don't have it, she goes in my purse and then change purse and then she goes through her purses, trying to find change.
That is why I have named this "Dog With a Bone Syndrome." They just won't let it go with the first answer.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jul 25, 2006 11:39:18 GMT -5
You found the perfect name for it! Yes, my son is exactly the same way. I know that I have to be firm and consistent enough for him to learn that no means no and its not negotiable, but I almost always end up giving in just to shut him up.
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Post by unicorn-tiff'smom on Jul 25, 2006 12:57:08 GMT -5
It is horrible to have to give in to get them to drop it. She did it yesterday when my mother called me around 7am to tell me that she didn't think my grandmother would make it through the day. Tiff wanted to know why she called and why she didn't want to speak to Tiff. I told her she didn't need to know, that it wasn't something she needed to worry about. I didn't want her to worry all day at camp. She kept on and kept on and kept on until I told her and then she said ok and went onto the next thing.  |
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annem
Founding Member 
Posts: 138
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Post by annem on Jul 25, 2006 13:35:55 GMT -5
Oh this is difficult !! ... One half of me thinks our kids really do deserve an answer ... and the other half of me thinks they should "leave it there" ... but I think the half of me that thinks they deserve an answer is winning ... even if its not the WHOLE picture !! ... but maybe just something which gives them "the jist" and satisfies their (very natural) curiosity ...
I am just thinking that if that was me ... and I had heard part of a conversation and then when I asked a question I was told it wasn't anything to do with me .. I would be VERY hurt and also even MORE intrigued!!
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Post by misty on Jul 25, 2006 13:45:48 GMT -5
OMG! I call it the same thing! My dad made it up YEARS ago when Shannon was quite small. Shes always been that way! And yes! She will NOT let go until she knows whatever it is shes trying to get you to tell her. And yes, we give in just to shut her up too!
Shes like that with other things too. TV shows, foods, toys. She has a certain thing she HAS to have, do, eat, whatever & NOTHING else will satisfy her!
BTW, I never heard anyone else use the terminology "A dog with a bone" to describe this! Its uncanny how alike our girls are, unicorn.
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Post by jj on Jul 25, 2006 21:42:35 GMT -5
Well that name is perfect! Dog with a bone syndrome!! Nikki (G-niece I had custody of -ADD & an abused child by her step-father) and my sister's daughter(ADHD) are exactly the same way. It isn't just a 15 minute argument. Sometimes I think it would go all day if something didn't give.
I do have to agree with Annem in that, if they hear little snippets of something it may cause them MORE worry if you don't tell. I guess this is a call you have to make.
I gave in to Nikki many, many, many times just because of the nagging. The breaking point was when she was using the arguing, crying, throwing fits to get out of school that I knew I had to change things. Oh my gosh, that was THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO!!! Hours of nagging and just when I'd think she got sidetracked and it was over here she'd come to bring it up again. Oh, and she would sometimes cry and scream so loud I was afraid someone would think I was beating her. I swear she could forget EVERYTHING else but never whatever it was she had previously being begging for. You ain't kidding when you used that smiley Unicorn....pulling your hair out for sure!!!
I was failing miserably and was desperate so I sat her down and told her I was really sick of her nagging and I'd compromise and let her "win" 1 out of 4 times. (Keep in mind I was desperate and I had no control and this was my way of getting at least a tiny bit of control) Anyway, I told her it was up to her what was most important to her. So when she started "nagging" I'd ask her if this was more important than any plans of friends staying all night on the weekend or going roller skating on Saturday (which I let her do sometimes). Oh she tested me on those other times, believe me but I did stick to my guns and plus it gave me that "out" when I was just too tired to deal with it. Eventually, she seemed to not pester me about things as much..not sure why but I think it was a combination of things; my odd rule, school was getting easier for her, her teachers were fantastic and so encouraging, and maybe for once she felt safe. And my last thought is maybe it helped that I gave her some control too?
I went through the same things with my step-sons (not ADHD) but nothing like with Nikki. They would beg for things but I'd say Nikki was 30 times harder to deal with.
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Post by misty on Jul 25, 2006 23:43:34 GMT -5
Ok, I've read your reply twice JJ & I Like your tactic. I might give it a try! I hope it works. I'm sick of feeling like I HAVE to tell Shannon everything!
I can be just on the phone & she"ll be nagging "who are you talking to, mom?" If I dont answer she'll ask HUNDREDS of times. ARGH!
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Post by jj on Jul 26, 2006 1:05:30 GMT -5
There are no guarantees it will work but you never know. If you ask child specialist they would think I was crazy for doing that I'm sure. I wish you all the luck in the world because you'll need it.  |
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leigh
Junior Member
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Post by leigh on Jul 26, 2006 9:22:05 GMT -5
"Dog with a bone sydrome" LOL!!!!!!! I feel like I'm in a new sorority! LOL! My ten year old won't let go of anything either. For years, I actually VIDEOTAPED many of his "relentless begging-style crying tantrums" (how I described them to the doctors). The tantrums/begging/not letting things go DID dramatically decrease after taking him off meds and putting him on Omegas. The thing is, I got slack with the Omegas once school was out in May (was just sick of the routine).......and listen to this....the relentless begging for an answer or pleading for things to go his way all started back again!!! Coincidence? Who knows. I started the Omegas back a couple of weeks ago, so I'll let you guys know if I see a change for the better again. I suspect I will. I pray for that, anyway.
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Post by jj on Jul 26, 2006 9:46:12 GMT -5
Leigh,
Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now about ADD. I knew nothing then and didn't even bother to do research. (What kind of Auntie was I?) Amazingly, not one of the teachers ever suggested medication. I honestly didn't even know medication existed for ADD much less about Omega's. I was just that ignorant about it.
Do let us know if you see the nagging go away again.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jul 26, 2006 10:18:41 GMT -5
I don't mind answering many questions but when my son wants to know how much something cost or what another adult said that he wasn't meant to hear, I get so tired of telling him its none of his business. That is when the dog with a bone is frustrating me to the max!
I love your idea about every 4th one JJ but when I think about it, he is smart enough that he would nag for little things and then when the 4th came up, he'd start nagging for a 4 wheeler or a go cart or dirt bike (all things he nags about on a consistent basis).
How did you handle it when she asked for things that were totally inappropriate as the 4th item?
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Post by misty on Jul 26, 2006 10:19:02 GMT -5
I know what you mean, JJ. Until I heard the DX & started researching ADHD, the only med I knew about was ritalin & then only what you hear in the news.
Of all my vast extended family none has ever been Dxed ADHD so I really knew nothing about it. My husbands family is a different story.
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Post by jj on Jul 26, 2006 11:49:19 GMT -5
I know what you mean, JJ. Until I heard the DX & started researching ADHD, the only med I knew about was ritalin & then only what you hear in the news. Of all my vast extended family none has ever been Dxed ADHD so I really knew nothing about it. My husbands family is a different story. Misty, I was lucky. Nikki didn't really keep track of what stage of the 4 we were on. But I do remember if she was nagging about something that was totally unreasonable I threw that out. I told her this doesn't count because I don't have the money to buy that. The truth is, I found it fairly easy to minipulate the situation because usally if she asked for example: I want to go play at a friends house and I really didn't care if she did then I might argue a bit (for show) and then I'd say, "O.K. but this is going to count as your win." Since she pretty much lived for the moment....whatever she was wanting to do at the time was just the most important thing in the world ....it worked pretty well. If on the other hand, going to the friend wasn't practical I'd then use the "But don't you want to go roller skating Saturday?" No doubt this WILL NOT WORK on a very clever kid, not that Nikki wasn't smart but she was gullable. |
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Post by jj on Jul 26, 2006 12:10:42 GMT -5
Misty, I'm trying to remember all the rules associated with this. This was so long ago and keep in mind I was desperate and was doing this on a wing and a prayer. I do remember adding the rule in about expensive things after the fact. But I did say up front that going to school wasn't up for debate. Doing homework wasn't up for debate however when she did it was. (After school or after supper).
I do think why it worked for me was that she had a say in things. But I do remember her arguing that she should have more "wins". LOL
If nothing else maybe this will trigger some new strategies for handling these nagging kids. And keep in mind Nikki had just turned 8 years old when I got her.
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marja
New Member
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Post by marja on Aug 6, 2006 2:20:05 GMT -5
This sound´s familiar, I like the name you´ve gaved to it too, lol. I think that with my ds it has got somewhat better by time, he´s 11 now... I agree with Annem that they deserve answer´s... to some point, meaning that kid´s deserve answer´s that are age-related and usually, getting the answer stop´s the asking. My kid´s know not to beg too much, they know that drives me cracy and get´s them nothing good (I´am so hardheaded and they know that if I´ve made a desicion, it´s non-reversable lol) But they surely want to know lot´s of thing´s  |
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Post by INaBOX on Aug 21, 2006 23:40:26 GMT -5
Introduce the 'Questions' Game (ok I just made up that title). Basically you allow your child to ask you 1 or 2 questions ONLY. Then if they ask you another question you can just say, "You used up your questions" .. lol does that sound mean? Worth a shot. ie: (child) Mom, can I have a pet rabbit? (mom) No. You already have a pet snake. (child) But I want a raaabbiiiiiiiit!! Can I? Huh? Huh? (mom) No. Your snake will eat it. (child) I'll take good care of it. Please mom, can I??? (mom) You've had your two questions. ... then ignore, ignore, ignore .. give yourself a time-out. Where do I come up with these??  |
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Post by John on Aug 22, 2006 11:20:50 GMT -5
  InaBox > I think you get them from ThinkingOutsidetTheBOX ! That's a Great Idea for All kids I think !
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Post by INaBOX on Aug 22, 2006 17:08:05 GMT -5
hmmm, maybe I should change my name.  |
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