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Post by misty on Aug 17, 2006 18:33:23 GMT -5
I'm about ready to snap here! Shannons friend got Shannon all excited about watching her Guinie pigs while they're away .....but never asked her mom....her mom said no, she already made arrangements. Ok, Shannon was disappointed & cried & BEGGED me to call the girl's mom to try & try to change her mind, which I refused to do. Now you'd think that would be the end of that, but NO, the saga continues. Since she couldn't watch her friend's, she got it in her head to get her own. Well, I vetoed that right away. We've been there, done that. Had to give it away because Shannon paid no attention to the poor critter. So she decides she wants a rat then. I have nothing against rats, mind you. They supposedly make great pets & are cute as heck. The thing is, we had a guinie pig she showed no attention to, a bunny she paid no attention to, a cat she hates, & 2 birds she pays no attention too. EACH of these animals she BEGGED for & made PROMISES about. No more! After the 4th episode of tearful begging, I told her straight out, The answer is NO, no matter how much you plead or what promises you make, the answer will still be no. This has been going on over 2 hours! I'm ready to tear my hair out! She keeps bringing it up. Begging, pleading, crying, promising, threatening, bargaining! Why can she NEVER just accept a NO?
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Post by lostmyshoe on Aug 17, 2006 19:10:32 GMT -5
Hey Misty,
I know how you feel. Once my daughter gets something in her head and doesn't get her way it can go on for hours. I just have to ride out the storm and try to remain calm myself even though I feel like screaming. An example was when we were down the shore a couple of weeks ago. My niece was suppose to come down and stay with us the last day and then go home with us. It turns out my Sister-N-Law didn't feel very well and wasn't up to driving an hour. My daughter was inconsolable.
For two hours she cried and complained and made so much commotion. I finally got her down into her room and for another hour I sat with her and listened to her talk about just about everything that has bothered her the past year at school. It's weird how everything comes out in the wash when they are all upset. Things they've been holding in for a while. Finally after about 4 hours she finally came down to the beach with me and we had a pretty good afternoon after all, but boy did she have a melt down when her cousin couldn't come down. She wasn't the only one emotionally drained by the time all was said and done. Sometimes they just can't have what they want and eventually they accept it. Sometimes it takes a while and a Mom with frayed nerves though. I feel for ya. Hang in there. Dee
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Post by misty on Aug 17, 2006 19:22:13 GMT -5
Thanks.
Shes finally calmed down & watching TV, but MAN was it a loooong evening!
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Post by jj on Aug 18, 2006 0:28:58 GMT -5
This sound familiar. My niece is the same way. Last time I was with my sister, my niece wanted to spend the night with my sister's best friend & her family. (this was when my sister was taking weekend turns with my Mom) Well my sister had been letting her stay over there rather often and she just thought she was overstaying her welcome AND the girls my niece likes to hang out with were out of town so there was no point. But she nagged and cried and begged her to just call and ask if she could go over there anyway. My sister said she was not going to call...that my niece had to call if she wanted to stay over night but no way would my niece hear of it. This went on for hours I think. I was exhausted just listening to this and my sister has to go through this all the time.
I feel for you Misty and Lostmyshoe. I don't know how you guys manage to keep your sanity. LOL
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Post by Charlie Girl on Aug 18, 2006 12:17:06 GMT -5
I hate to say this but I believe that much of the time they can control their out of control behavior. They know from experience that if they throw the right tantrum for long enough, there is a good chance that we will give in to shut them up.
My son will drive me nuts that way, but when I realized that I had to stick to every decision I make even if there is no reason for me not to change my mind, he did eventually get the message and the tantrums nearly stopped. Only then could I tell him that I was willing to make exceptions sometimes if he would ask me to reconsider nicely.
I think its time that I get a little more hard ball again. This post made me realize just how often he was getting into whine and nag mode lately.
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Post by bugsmom on Aug 20, 2006 14:11:54 GMT -5
Charlie Girl--I absolutey agree with you. I always just thought Josh couldn't help himself when he heard the word "No" and most of the time I'd give in just to keep the peace. Boy was that the wrong road to take. About two months ago we were in therapy with his psychiatrist and this topic came up. She asked him very calmly, Why don't you stop when your mother or father says "No"? He very quickly replied "Because I know sooner or later my mom will say "yes". That was my "lightbulb" moment. We estabished guidelines right there with the doc and although it has been tough at times, Josh finally realizes when I say "no" I'm not going to change my mind. This didn't happen overnight, but my dh and I have learned that when we stick to our guns that he eventually came around. That doesn't mean he doesn't still try to ruffle our feathers with a fit, but it is not nearly as bad as it used to be. Gosh its hard, but I see the light a little more each day.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Aug 20, 2006 19:18:44 GMT -5
I do think that their are times when the impulsivity gets in the way and they really don't realize that they are acting up, but when it gets to be an hours long process, at some point they have control.
If they learn to take no for an answer, they are less likely to go into the impulsive whine mode out of habit. At least, that is what I am finding with my son.
My problem is with me being consistent. The better he is at accepting no, the more I want to reward him for it with what he asked for. Thats like shooting myself in the foot. He then starts to think that if I say no and he doesn't whine, that will get him what he wants.
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annem
Founding Member
Posts: 138
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Post by annem on Aug 21, 2006 11:30:31 GMT -5
Oh I hear you on this topic!! .... Sam used to be TERRIBLE whenever he got "something into his head" and he would go on and on and on and on .... and then finally would give it a break and I would think that was the end of it ... but no - I was simply being lulled into a false sense of security because the idea would resurrect itself in minutes, hours or sometimes even days or weeks and off we would go again!! ... Round and round and soooooo wearing!! I also agree with Charlie Girl that a lot of it IS controllable ... but it is a way of getting Mum/Dad/Whoever to give in !!
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Post by John on Aug 21, 2006 11:57:47 GMT -5
Here's one that I came up with when Sean 'get's a nO' from me and wants to know why. I'll say ''Even if I tell you why, you'll just try to argue ABOUT those reasons anyway, so I'm not going to tell you''. Now I WILL tell him 'why' if it is approite for him to know, but usually it isn't. Like he wanted to know why he couldn't go see the ''BobbyBilly'' movie or WHATEVER it's called. Well I had read the movie review and it just seemed TO ''out there'' for a almost 13 y'o. Many, Many pg.13 movies actually fall between a PG and a R rating. ''When in Doubt ~ Do WITHOUT''
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Post by misty on Aug 21, 2006 23:23:27 GMT -5
I'll say ''Even if I tell you why, you'll just try to argue ABOUT those reasons anyway, so I'm not going to tell you''. Now I WILL tell him 'why' if it is approite for him to know, but usually it isn't. That is a GREAT line, John! I'm going to use it!
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Post by INaBOX on Aug 21, 2006 23:28:06 GMT -5
lol sometimes when my son asks why (in that whinning tone) I'll say .. because I'm the MOM and we get to make the rules. Ok, maybe not the best thing to say. LOL
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