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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 0:33:22 GMT -5
Post by misty on Sept 3, 2006 0:33:22 GMT -5
Do any of you have kids who like to hit?
Shannon doesn't do it too often, but sometimes she just lashes out & PUNCHES one of us or the dogs. Not out of the blue, but when shes mad at us.
Like today, she came home from her friends house & put the stack of papers she was carrying on the sofa beside her. The pitbull was excited to see her & jumped up, inadvertantly landing on the papers & crumpling them. Without even seeming to think, Shannon hauled back & punched her in the head! I SAW her do it & she denied it. She felt bad, I could tell, & when I eventually got her to admit what she'd done I asked her why. She could'nt say. She said she didn't MEAN to, it was just a reaction.
She hit me a few weeks ago when, after she refused to get off the computer, I reached around her to shut it off. She got in BIG trouble for it.
I just don't get it. WE dont hit her. We never even spanked her when she was little. I've talked to her about it until I'm blue in the face. Like I said, she doesn't do it often, but its a habit (or impulse) I'd like to break. Any ideas I might not have thought of?
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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 9:39:25 GMT -5
Post by unicorn-tiff'smom on Sept 3, 2006 9:39:25 GMT -5
Tiff does this too. In fact, she did it this morning. I told her that she was going to have to take her medicine this morning since we are going to the fair late this afternoon and for safety on the rides she had to take it. She came up behind me and hit me in the back and said she didn't want to take her pill. I just responded, this is why you are going to take it and got it and put it in her mouth.
Once in a while she does this and I tell her it is not appropriate and that hitting doesn't solve problems, you just in trouble for doing it. And it stops for a while.
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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 11:25:04 GMT -5
Post by misty on Sept 3, 2006 11:25:04 GMT -5
Yeah, it stops for awhile, but she ends up doing it again at some point! I've told Shannon all the same things. I just don't want hitting to become a habit when shes upset. I'm afraid if I dont get her to completely stop doing it, she may end up being an abusive wife or mother someday. That scares me.
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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 11:37:03 GMT -5
Post by katiekat on Sept 3, 2006 11:37:03 GMT -5
Sean is pretty big with the hitting but it's always with other kids. In fact he was kicked out of 2 pre schools for it. It continued at the 3rd one we enrolled him in. At the suggestion of the 2nd pre school when he was 3 we took him to a child psyhchologist who said there were no problems. However now at almost 6 it's still a problem. This is my greatest fear about kindergarten-that he will be hitting other children in a "real" school. We have tried everything. Time outs, taking something away from, talking to him about how it makes others feel to be hit-makes no difference. We were just at a block party on our street and he was running a relay race, when it was over the 2 groups of kids were arguing about who won he walks over to this kid whos about 12 and punches him in the stomach. I made him sit for 5 minutes then talked to him about hitting. The SECOND he got up a baby walked by with a ball he wanted so he knocked the baby down and took the ball. We left and did not go back. I give up.
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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 17:21:05 GMT -5
Post by jj on Sept 3, 2006 17:21:05 GMT -5
This reminds me of a time I was visiting my nephew, his wife and 3 kids. Their youngers girl, probably 5 at the time was mad and kicked the cat. Now if it were me, I would have grabbed that kid and confined her to her bedroom and I probably would have been pretty rough about it.
But what happened next shocked me. My nephew took her very calmly and sat her beside him with his arm around her holding her close to him and started talking to her about.... how it was very mean of her to hurt the cat when the cat did nothing wrong and how would she like to be kicked for no reason.........and just kept talking in this low soft voice explaining why it was so wrong.
My G-neice started weeping with big tears rolling down her cheeks (and Auntie was standing in the background with a few tears as well) and she could hardly talk she was so emotional. I don't know if it was the soft kind voice he talked to her with or what but I asked later if she ever was rough or mean to the cat again and he said she wasn't.
I'm not saying this is how to handle situations like hitting or hurting a family pet because I still don't get how this worked so well for her to feel truly sorry. Maybe because my nephew just stopped what he was doing and took action right in front of a few guests. Maybe it was some humiliation she felt but it sure made an impact.
Both my nephew and his wife are very low-keyed people (never yell) and I can honestly say their kids are just about the most polite and well behaved kids I ever ran into. The oldest girl has some minor learning disabilities but I do need to point out, non of them have ADHD. (They are the ones that lived with me for over 2 years) Anyway, This just stood out in my brain so much that I just had to tell the story.
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Hitting
Sept 3, 2006 23:40:49 GMT -5
Post by rae70 on Sept 3, 2006 23:40:49 GMT -5
Nope my kids dont hit me - if they did I was wallop them so hard back they would never do it again...
soz but its something I would never tolerate and would instantly back hand for.
I dont hit my kids often - but they do get a slap on the butt or arm if they are being excessively bad.
I have them suitable in fear of me I feel... lol..
let me reiterate tho I do not hit my kids on a regular basis... but i do think you need to make it quite clear what the pecking order is in the house.
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 0:14:41 GMT -5
Post by misty on Sept 4, 2006 0:14:41 GMT -5
Rae, I know what you mean....we have to be the "Alpha Dog" so to speak. My daughter knows not to hit, it just seems to be an involuntary reaction sometimes. Not always, but every so often.
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 8:35:22 GMT -5
Post by lostmyshoe on Sept 4, 2006 8:35:22 GMT -5
Misty,
I've had my daughter swing at me a few times when I made her get off of the computer. She left a nice little scratch on my arm once. With her it is a case of being weak at impulse control. It doesn't happen often but sometimes she has hit me. Most of the time she takes her annoyances out on inanimate objects. She has broken a few things too. When she lashes out like this there are consequences. She loses a privilege that she enjoys or has to make amends for what is was that she damaged. I realize it is hard for her to control her emotions sometimes and I try to sit down with her and talk about why it happened. It seems to happen more when she is tired or hasn't eaten or has too much going on at once and also when there are changes without advance notice. Some things I try to do to avoid outbursts are things like making sure she doesn't go too long without eating or drinking something and to let her know in advance about schedule changes or events. A calm environment here at home seems to help also. Even with the computer, I give her 10-15 minutes to be off of it. She doesn't like anything sprung on her so I try not to do that. School is something that is a major change and stress after being off in the summer. There's no real slow way to start back so I am expecting Becca might be a bit moody and tired the first week or so. The week of her period is also a tough time and I try to make sure I know when that is going to be. When we are both on the same week, oh mercy...... My poor H.
Thankfully, the outbursts don't happen that often, but my H and I did discuss medication if it was something that began happening a lot. Also CBT is another option I have been looking into. So far we have been able to handle it and we are hoping that these outbursts become less and less frequent. Sorry to hear this happens to you too and hope maybe something I said may help just a little. I know how upsetting it can be when it happens. Wishing you the best always, Misty. Sorry it took me so long to get to this thread and sorry so long a post. Dee
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 11:18:41 GMT -5
Post by jj on Sept 4, 2006 11:18:41 GMT -5
I heard a lot of parents say they can't "spring" anything on their ADHD kids. I think you are doing everything right Losty by giving her that warning of 10-15 minutes and consequences if she lashes out.
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 12:21:30 GMT -5
Post by misty on Sept 4, 2006 12:21:30 GMT -5
I do the same thing...not spring anything on her.
I am going to start paying attention to her eating cycles though. I always new her behavior is worse when shes tired but I never thought of hunger. You could be on to something, Losty!'
Thanks!
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 13:36:28 GMT -5
Post by INaBOX on Sept 4, 2006 13:36:28 GMT -5
I can relate. My son hits/kicks me now and again. Luckily, it's not a typical behaviour of his. I think the best way to handle this situation is to teach your daughter how to replace the behaviour (if you haven't yet). If my son gets mad at me (at home) and is ready to hit me, I direct him into his room to jump on his trampoline. I didn't buy it with the intentions to use it for fun but more so for 'therapy' and he understands this - although he uses it for fun too. It takes a while for the replacement to come into effect because it has to be done enough times for it to become a natural reaction when angry. The other day when my son was 'angry' with me, he told me he was going to jump on the trampoline. lol Yeah!! He still has a long way to go though.
When we're out in public (and I'm not sure if this is the best way to go about it so please tell me what you think) ..
.. if he hits me or kicks me, I grab a hold of his underarm with my one hand and hold him in place. In a low tone I tell him, "Hands to self" and "Show me gentle hands" and then ask for an apology: "Now what do you need to say?" I expect a SINCERE apology. After he complies (and it takes him a while but the hold prevents him from hitting or kicking) I ask him if he's ready for me to hold his hand (he's a bolter so in public I always have to hold his hand - or most of the time.)
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 14:44:32 GMT -5
Post by misty on Sept 4, 2006 14:44:32 GMT -5
I like the tramoline idea! My problem is, It seems to happen so fast & sudden that I usually don't see it coming. And its so far & in-between that I'm not braced for it. Usually when shes mad she throws things (whatever she has in her hand) or slams a door. I don't even know if this is ADHD related or just an inherited bad temper. Iremember as a child getting so mad at my parents that I slammed my bedroom door so hard an entire shelf fell off my wall & broke a bunch of my things. I was so mad & sorry for myself afterward that I didn't ever slam a door again. The fact that I remember that incident 30 years later & still regret it tells you how much it impacted me.
Shes never hit me in public so I don't know what I'd do, but it sounds to me like you're handling it just fine, INaBox.
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Hitting
Sept 4, 2006 19:23:15 GMT -5
Post by INaBOX on Sept 4, 2006 19:23:15 GMT -5
I handle things quite well on my good days .. on my bad days? Theory and skill flies right out the window. If you have a trampoline already, use it and abuse it .. for everything. It doesn't have to be used only when she's in 'the red' but if she's frustrated, sad, happy .. If she's uses it as part of her daily life (if it works for her) then she'll resort to it when she's angry most. Maybe.. just an idea.
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Hitting
Sept 10, 2006 12:17:13 GMT -5
Post by Charlie Girl on Sept 10, 2006 12:17:13 GMT -5
I'm catching up on things I missed or didn't have time to reply on recently. Sorry this is so late but thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it. LOL
With Shannon, she is old enough to start thinking and reasoning out her behavior. Next time, have her sit down and write out why she thinks she hit, why she shouldn't have and a list of different, more appropriate reactions she should have had.
If she refuses, sit her at the table or desk and make her stay there until she does do it.
If she were younger, I would suggest discussing it. As it is, I think our kids have to begin to think about their actions and reactions independantly. Unfortunately, in a few years, we won't be around to monitor their behavior.
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