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Post by misty on Oct 25, 2006 17:42:48 GMT -5
I'm wondering, now that Shannon is 12, How much of her behavior is genuinely ADD-related & How much is normal pre-teen rebelliousness.
When her walk to her friends house takes 3 times too long, is that Impulsiveness (She has to stop & look at this or go a different route) or normal "I can do what I want" behavior?
When She doesn't want to go to bed at night Is that Her mind working overtime (ADHD related), or just a normal part of her growing independance?
When she "forgets" to pur her clothes in the hamper, dry up the bathroom floor, take her dishes to the sink, etc, is that the inattentive part of ADD or just rebelliousness?
I mean it used to be so easy, but now that shes older, how do you tell whats ADD & whats part of pulling away from the parents?
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Post by Charlie Girl on Oct 25, 2006 22:56:18 GMT -5
I'm wondering, now that Shannon is 12, How much of her behavior is genuinely ADD-related & How much is normal pre-teen rebelliousness. When her walk to her friends house takes 3 times too long, is that Impulsiveness (She has to stop & look at this or go a different route) or normal "I can do what I want" behavior? When a kid walks anywhere, they don't go top speed unless they have a reason for wanting to get there fast. I don't think is ADHD, its just being a kid.When She doesn't want to go to bed at night Is that Her mind working overtime (ADHD related), or just a normal part of her growing independance? Is she willing to take her melatonin to help make her sleepy? Whether or not she does might give you a hint since she would ask for it before.When she "forgets" to pur her clothes in the hamper, dry up the bathroom floor, take her dishes to the sink, etc, is that the inattentive part of ADD or just rebelliousness? Since I have fought with my son about this his entire life, I can't even hazard a guess. I mean it used to be so easy, but now that shes older, how do you tell whats ADD & whats part of pulling away from the parents? |
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Post by misty on Oct 26, 2006 8:42:55 GMT -5
No, I didn't mean I thought the ADD was getting worse. I meant that its getting harder to tell whats ADD & whats pre-teen nastiness! LOL!
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Post by John on Oct 26, 2006 10:30:18 GMT -5
Whoa ! Thanks for such EASY QUESTIONS ~  I think just about ALL (pre) teen's Love to stay up late . . . I know I did ( and listen to early FM playing all kinds of new Weird Music [now called OLDIES] or READ ). And FORGET about picking up clothes/dishes > > > Unless you want to become ''MommyNagger''. We let Rachel keep her room pretty much as she wants it (except for dishes/cups laying around). If she wants to have 2 feet of clothes/books/shoes on the floor that's OK. About every six weeks we will make her ''FIND THE RUG'' and vacuum her room. Dawn  Remember : 1. Pick your Battles 2. This is a Great way to Strengthen your PATIENCE Muscles ! |
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Post by misty on Oct 26, 2006 10:45:53 GMT -5
Whoa ! Thanks for such EASY QUESTIONS ~ ANYTIME!  I think just about ALL (pre) teen's Love to stay up late . . . I know I did ( and listen to early FM playing all kinds of new Weird Music [now called OLDIES] or READ ). WHEW! Yes, this is exactly what she's doing! And FORGET about picking up clothes/dishes > > > Unless you want to become ''MommyNagger''. We let Rachel keep her room pretty much as she wants it (except for dishes/cups laying around). If she wants to have 2 feet of clothes/books/shoes on the floor that's OK. About every six weeks we will make her ''FIND THE RUG'' and vacuum her room. Ok, I admit here that I do nag too much about her room. (And a few other things). So I will try to let some of this stuff go. Will you be my sponser in the "Naggers Anonymous" program? I'll PM you if I feel like slipping back into "MommyNagger" mode, OK? Dawn Remember : 1. Pick your Battles 2. This is a Great way to Strengthen your PATIENCE Muscles ! Thanks, John! It was good to hear the prospective from your unique point of view (that of a father & of a father of NON ADHD kids). I can see that the teen years are gonna be a LOOOOONG road!  |
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Post by John on Oct 26, 2006 14:33:33 GMT -5
So I will try to let some of this stuff go. Will you be my sponser in the "Naggers Anonymous" program? I'll PM you if I feel like slipping back into "MommyNagger" mode, OK? >>> Yes Dawn, I will Gladly be your Sponser to Naggers.Annonymous ! <<< [/quote] Thanks, John! It was good to hear the prospective from your unique point of view (that of a father & of a father of NON ADHD kids). I can see that the teen years are gonna be a LOOOOONG road! [/quote]
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Post by lostmyshoe on Oct 26, 2006 15:15:04 GMT -5
Hi Misty,
Gosh, I so much can identify with you. I am going through the same thing with Becca. She started maturing kind of early so I've been dealing with the hormone issue for a few years now. In Becca's situation I do think hormones have something to do with the rebeliousness along with the ADD. With the combination of the ADD and her hormones it sometimes affects her impulsive control too. I think the hormones may exaggerate some of her behavior but it doesn't necessarily mean the ADD is getting worse. I don't let her use it as an excuse to be disobedient or disrespectful. I try to be more sensitive when it is a certain time of the month but will not allow her to be abusive to me without consequences. I did make the decision not to put her on medication because she does so well in school and most of the time, so I am willing to deal with some issues at home. When involved in a problem with her I find that the more calm I stay, the better. Of course that doesn't always happen as I am only human but when I am calm and level headed she is more apt to listen to me. Today for example, she ate chips in the office and made a mess on the floor. I told her she would not use the computer until it was vacuumed up. It was cleaned up and by her. I also told her she will not eat in here again. I confess, I did raise my voice a little. I do have to nag her sometimes, but ya know what, I have no problem with that no matter how much of an army sergeant I may seem like. Consequences and repetition are two big words in my vocabulary.
My daughter and I have a good relationship but there has to be a dividing line between friendship and parent and the parent part comes first, even if she hates me sometimes, because it's for her own good. No matter how many times I have to tell her, I will continue to remind her to pick up her clothes and her wet towels, to brush her teeth and pick up her other messes. Sometimes I don't have to say it more then once or twice because she is so sick of hearing it and just does it. Yes, I get tired of having to remind her of things all the time but eventually it does sink in. I realize that now is the time I really have to stand firm, even if I am the enemy sometimes.
It's really really hard some days, but when I see an improvement, even small, that makes it all worth it. Sorry so long a post but I so much know what you are going through. I truly believe she will calm down eventually as she gets older but for now I'm preparing for rough waters ahead. Glad to know I am not alone and I have support from everyone here and that goes both ways. So hold on tight and we'll get through this rollercoaster ride together.
Your Friend, Dee
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Post by misty on Oct 26, 2006 16:55:50 GMT -5
Thanks, Dee. It sure does help knowing I'm not the only one (Even though I wish this on no one!). I think in my original question I worded something wrong, because everyone seems to think I meant the ADD is getting worse. I didn't. I meant that it is harder to tell the difference between ADD behavior & normal rebellious behavior than it was when she was younger. My daughter's not on meds either. With the IEP in place, she's doing so much better in school & shes never been a behavior problem (in school). I really hate the nagging. Sometimes at the end of the day I feel like the only interaction I've had with her all day is nagging, yelling & correcting. I know I'm wrong,....I mean we do talk & do fun things together & I do praise her when its deserved, but if the nagging overshadows the good in MY mind, whats it like for HER? I'm really trying hard to come up with better, more effective ways of getting through to her. You're right that these things do sink in over time. Today she actually remembered to call home when she got to Anjelikas house! YIPEE! It took MONTHS of groundings, yellings, nagging, calling THERE when she forgot to call here, etc. Finally yesterday I told her we were done playing games. Either she calls me when she gets there or she doesnt go there. she called. Cause for celebration!~  |
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Post by katiekat on Oct 26, 2006 19:48:36 GMT -5
I'd go with regular old pre-teen behavior. My older son Joseph (almost 11) does not have ADHD and this kind of stuff is starting with him. He thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants. He is terrible about calling and checking in and he rarely cleans up after himself. His clothes are on the floor NEXT to the hamper. He had the nerve to ask me the other day if I could take him and some friends to the mall and leave them there. HELLO you are 10!!!
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Post by unicorn-tiff'smom on Oct 27, 2006 14:20:44 GMT -5
I'd go with pre teen behavior too. She knows what she should be doing, i.e putting clothes in the hamper, clearing her dishes, etc. But I remember as a teen I didn't want to do those things either. You seem to have gotten her into the routine of doing these things, I do think it is a new testing mechanism with you. I think that with the patience you have and her knowing right from wrong, she'll be ok soon.
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Post by lostmyshoe on Oct 27, 2006 16:58:20 GMT -5
Misty,
I do know what you mean about wondering which is which. That is a tough one for me too. I do agree with Uni and Katie that most teenagers do go through a period of rebelious behavior ADD or not but I think sometimes the ADD can exaserbate the behavior. Sometimes Becca goes way over the top over something and it takes a while for her to calm down. I also feel the same way you do after a whole day of nagging. I feel bad too and am also trying to find a happy medium. Becca and I do have a lot of fun together but sometimes I just have to put my foot down when she is way out of line and continually ignores me. I really do cherish the fun times we have and I try to have more of them then the rough times. The most fun times for us is when we just let it all hang out and be totally silly. Laughter is a great thing and we do a lot of that. I'm always open for new ideas too, so please do share if you come up with something better then nagging too much. Guess I should add myself to the Naggers Annonymous members, LOL. Dee
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Post by misty on Oct 28, 2006 0:08:34 GMT -5
You will nee to get your own sponser, Dee. I already have John. I'll share if hes willing to have 2 naggers bugging him everytime we feel like nagging our kids!
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