Post by misty on Feb 15, 2006 0:52:36 GMT -5
How to Support Your Other Children
Written by: Lisa Simmons -
Copied from a widely spread email letter
Tips & Ideas
As a parent, you are not the only one in transition and experiencing mixed, uncomfortable emotions.Your other children may be dealing with their own anger, embarrassment, and fears about having a sibling with special needs.
In order to support them effectively you need to prepare yourself for the emotions they may be experiencing now or face at some point in the future.
In the beginning, try these ideas:
*
Talk openly to them about their special sibling and what the future holds.
*
Be honest about your own mixed emotions (they know you're scared or angry or uncertain anyway).
*
Encourage them to share feeelings and fears.By admitting your own feelings, you give them permission to talk about theirs -- both the positive and the negative.
*
If you feel like you have tips to give them on how to tell friends about their sibling then go ahead and share.
TIP: If you're not sure what to suggest then it may be better to leave it to "the experts".Use the resources listed below or local families that you already know to connect your kids with others close to their age or older who also have a sibling with special needs.No one can tell them what to expect like someone who's been through it!
The important thing is to be sure that your other children will have some form of on-going support.
If you feel like you will be stretched too thin in the beginning to offer them much support, then take the time now to search out a good alternative.
*
Can an extended family member (aunt, uncle, or grandparent) arrange to spend some 1 on 1 time with them on a regular basis?
*
Can you connect them with a local or on-line sibling support group?
*
Can you pair up with another special needs family to swap babysitting services (this will give them access to other special siblings and even other parents who haven been through the special needs adjustment period and can offer advice and empathic listening ears.
Practical things you can do:
1. Set up some uninterrupted time when you and your other child(ren) can sit down and really talk.
2. Check with local hospitals and human service agencies in your area to see if any offer SibShops (special workshops designed just for siblings of children with special needs).
3. Talk with each child about what kind of on-going support they would like to have (planned 1 on 1 times with you; access to a support group; protected spaces where their property won't be bothered by a sibling who has limited cognitive abilities, etc.). Make sure they understand it's OK to have needs and to tell you know those needs are. A friend or relative they can visit for a weekend when THEY need a time out.
Your goal should always be to avoid the 2 most common traumas of being a special sibling -- 1) Being invisible with parents so wrapped up in caring for a child with special needs that their typically developing child is virtually ignored and 2) Being an extra grown up with parents that expect them to take on adult sized responsibities involving their sibling with special needs.
And one final caution . . . .
Many adult siblings report that they felt "extra" pressure to be (perfect, the best, successful, the smartest, etc., etc.) as a child. They felt they had to "make up" for the sibling who couldn't achieve at expected levels. Most parents would never want their children to feel this type of pressure, so be sensitive to actions that suggestion your typically developing child is trying to fullfill your dreams for both themselves and their sibling.
Written by: Lisa Simmons -
Copied from a widely spread email letter
Tips & Ideas
As a parent, you are not the only one in transition and experiencing mixed, uncomfortable emotions.Your other children may be dealing with their own anger, embarrassment, and fears about having a sibling with special needs.
In order to support them effectively you need to prepare yourself for the emotions they may be experiencing now or face at some point in the future.
In the beginning, try these ideas:
*
Talk openly to them about their special sibling and what the future holds.
*
Be honest about your own mixed emotions (they know you're scared or angry or uncertain anyway).
*
Encourage them to share feeelings and fears.By admitting your own feelings, you give them permission to talk about theirs -- both the positive and the negative.
*
If you feel like you have tips to give them on how to tell friends about their sibling then go ahead and share.
TIP: If you're not sure what to suggest then it may be better to leave it to "the experts".Use the resources listed below or local families that you already know to connect your kids with others close to their age or older who also have a sibling with special needs.No one can tell them what to expect like someone who's been through it!
The important thing is to be sure that your other children will have some form of on-going support.
If you feel like you will be stretched too thin in the beginning to offer them much support, then take the time now to search out a good alternative.
*
Can an extended family member (aunt, uncle, or grandparent) arrange to spend some 1 on 1 time with them on a regular basis?
*
Can you connect them with a local or on-line sibling support group?
*
Can you pair up with another special needs family to swap babysitting services (this will give them access to other special siblings and even other parents who haven been through the special needs adjustment period and can offer advice and empathic listening ears.
Practical things you can do:
1. Set up some uninterrupted time when you and your other child(ren) can sit down and really talk.
2. Check with local hospitals and human service agencies in your area to see if any offer SibShops (special workshops designed just for siblings of children with special needs).
3. Talk with each child about what kind of on-going support they would like to have (planned 1 on 1 times with you; access to a support group; protected spaces where their property won't be bothered by a sibling who has limited cognitive abilities, etc.). Make sure they understand it's OK to have needs and to tell you know those needs are. A friend or relative they can visit for a weekend when THEY need a time out.
Your goal should always be to avoid the 2 most common traumas of being a special sibling -- 1) Being invisible with parents so wrapped up in caring for a child with special needs that their typically developing child is virtually ignored and 2) Being an extra grown up with parents that expect them to take on adult sized responsibities involving their sibling with special needs.
And one final caution . . . .
Many adult siblings report that they felt "extra" pressure to be (perfect, the best, successful, the smartest, etc., etc.) as a child. They felt they had to "make up" for the sibling who couldn't achieve at expected levels. Most parents would never want their children to feel this type of pressure, so be sensitive to actions that suggestion your typically developing child is trying to fullfill your dreams for both themselves and their sibling.
