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Post by misty on Jan 11, 2006 21:35:15 GMT -5
It really stinks but it seems my daughter is encountering somebullying at school. The last few weeks shes been playing sick on & off. I say playing sick because although shes having headaches, stomach aches, etc, shes fine once its too late to get her to school. Well, today she finally gave in & told us that 3 larger girls have been threatening to beat her up. Luckily only one rides her bus. If they all did, it probably would have happened already. It seems thatthey don't like her simply because shes friends with another girl they are mad at. They've made it into a race issue because they are a different race as is the girl Shannon is best friends with. These girls think the other girl should not be friends with my daughter because my child is white & they are not. To give Shannon & her friend credit, they are NOT giving into these bullies! After I heard the entire story I called the school guidance counseller & found out these girls have been in trouble alot recently & are under a sort of "probation". My hubby is driving Shannon & her friend to school tomorrow to talk to the counseller & try to resolve this. The counsellor told me on the phone that if the names Shannon gives are the same ones he thinks they are, there will be serious consequences for the bullies. Good! I can't believe there are even issues like this in the schools anymore! Who cares what color a person is, what size they are, how they wear their hair, etc?? My daughter was raised to look deeper than that & she should not be afraid to go to school & have to worry about petty things instead of getting her education! Its times like these I wish she had remained in the private school, where they stressed a "christian attitude" at all times! I feel I had to give up a more moral environment in order to get the services shes entitled to & its just not RIGHT! Ok, vent over...I feel a BIT better!
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jan 11, 2006 21:47:27 GMT -5
Tell Shannon I am very proud of her for standing firm in her resolve to be friends with this girl in the face of threats from ignorant people! I hope they can find a way to help those girls learn some valuable life lessons. Its a shame that they are in trouble for holding views they probably learned from their parents. You would think by now that people in this country would have learned that its the color of a person's character that makes them who they are, not the color of their skin or where their ancestors came from..
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Post by cynthiatweedle on Jan 11, 2006 22:19:39 GMT -5
Sorry your daughter had to go through that and I hope everything works out.
My granddaughter ran into a similar problem, but the friend gave into the pressure. My granddaughter kept trying and trying, but finally gave up. She is in third grade.
It seems a shame that children should have these issues to worry about.
The bullying only gets worse as they get older, I am afraid. I glad in this case the school has identified the problem and is going to do something about it. That's not always the case.
Again, I hope this works out and they can remain friends.
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Post by jabg92 on Jan 11, 2006 23:34:38 GMT -5
WAY TO GO SHANNON and FRIEND! #33bighug2# #00you_rock_emoticon# I hope the school calls the parents of these kids! My child doesn't see colors, instead people are flavors... For instance we are white, and we are vanilla, she has a black friend in a higher grade, and she is chocolate. We have NEVER color co-ordinated people or said anything to her about race. I didn't think it was an issue anymore, either. She started calling people chocolate and vanilla around age 2. I was working at a hospital and I had a "chocolate friend". The first time Morgan met my friend, she said, hey you are chocolate! My friend laughed and thought it was cute. Never was she offended! Morgan also has several chocolate Barbies, and baby dolls. #00Tinkerbell#
#00soapbox# By the way, we live in a rural area and our daughter goes to a public school, and most of the teachers and the superintendent are Christians and they try to "sneak in" Christian principles. I hate to sneak, but some people believe in separating church and state. I do not. But please remember this is our belief and we are not trying to push it on anyone, due to the fact of the laws of the state and public schools.
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Post by misty on Jan 12, 2006 11:10:01 GMT -5
Jabg92, I agree with you wholheartedly!
Well, we took Shannon & her friend (her names Michelle) to school today & -get this-the crossing guard showed up too! That was a HUGE bonus having a non-related party there as witness! The counsellor got everyones story & names of the kids & we all stressed that we want something done! we don't want our children to have to be afraid to attend school, afraid to wait for the bus, afraid to choose their own friends!
The counseler was calling a meeting of the bullies parents we should get a call today telling us what occured. My husband is going to go to the bus stop after school, staying where he cant easily be seen, to see what happens when they all get off the bus & make sure Shannon is safe walking home.
I'll keep you updated!
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Linda
Founding Member
Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Posts: 448
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Post by Linda on Jan 12, 2006 11:17:27 GMT -5
I hate it that Shannon had to go through this!! Bullying is much worse when it is a girl doing the bullying!! It DOES get worse for some kids as they get older....especially when girls start im'ing each other!! I hope these other girls get suspended!!
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Post by cynthiatweedle on Jan 12, 2006 12:59:19 GMT -5
I'll say a little prayer that everything goes OK.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jan 12, 2006 13:35:23 GMT -5
I'm glad you have taken steps to stop those girls. I am really glad the crossing guard showed up. That would have been great as far as confirmation that the abuse was ocurring, and your daughter and her friend weren't exaggerating.
Keep us informed!
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Post by misty on Jan 12, 2006 16:09:09 GMT -5
Apparently these girls have been causing problems all year. Shannon said after the counseler called the parents, several of the girls came back out crying. He told Shannon & Michelle that theres the ringleader & the follers. The followers are afraid to go against the leader. Also, one more complaint & they are all suspended. Its a start I guess. Meanwhile the crossing guard asked me if its OK if she takes Shannon in her car if theres any problems...She'll even drive her to school if neccessary. I said yes of course...I know her so theres not a trust problem. It sets my mind at ease that theres another responsible adult looking out for the girls. #33bighug2#
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Post by cynthiatweedle on Jan 12, 2006 18:03:11 GMT -5
Good! Sounds like the chat with the counselor made an impression. And in any case she will have some protection to and from school. They probably won't mess with her again.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Jan 12, 2006 19:05:06 GMT -5
That is great that the crossing guard cares enough to give Shannon a ride if she suspects there will be trouble on the bus. Did any of the girls give them a hard time at or after school today?
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Linda
Founding Member
Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Posts: 448
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Post by Linda on Jan 12, 2006 19:45:59 GMT -5
It is just a matter of time before these girls find another "target" and they WILL get suspended!!
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Post by misty on Mar 27, 2006 12:50:46 GMT -5
What Girls Need to Know: A Different Kind of Bullying
When most people picture a "typical" bully, they imagine a boy who is bigger or older than his classmates, who doesn't do well in school, who fights, and who likes it when others are scared of him. Girls usually face a different type of bully, one who may not look as scary from the outside but who can cause just as much harm.
What's She Like
The typical girl who bullies is popular, well-liked by adults, does well in school, and can even be friends with the girls she bullies. She doesn't get into fist fights, although some girls who bully do. Instead, she spreads rumors, gossips, excludes others, shares secrets, and teases girls about their hair, weight, intelligence, and athletic ability. She usually bullies in a group and others join in or pressure her to bully.
The Effects
This kind of bullying can have just as serious consequences as physical bullying. It can cause a drop in grades, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, drug use, and poor eating habits in girls who are bullied. This kind of bullying is harder to see. Most of the time adults don't realize when girls are being bullied in this way.
What You Can Do
One of the best ways to stop this form of bullying is for the girls who see it or who are stuck in the middle to speak up and say that it is not okay. But only 15 percent of girls speak up, usually because they're afraid the bully will turn on them next. Parents and other adults can help girls beat bullying by teaching them how to stand up for themselves and their friends and by taking action themselves. Here are a few things to remember:
* Encourage kids to be kind and to help others, particularly if they see someone being bullied. Praise them when they do so. * Tell girls they are special, and point out why. * Help girls get involved in activities outside of school so they can make friends in different social circles. * Don't push girls to be in the "right" class or on the "right" sports team. Let them choose what to play and with whom. * Stop bullying when you see it. Don't let anyone, even your daughter, make fun of someone else even if she says she is only "joking." * Be a good example. Don't gossip or make fun of others in front of young girls. * Talk to girls about their friends, what they do together, and how they treat each other. Ask them what makes a good friend, and whether their friends have these qualities. * If you know bullying is happening at school, speak to school officials and ask what they are doing to stop it.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Mar 27, 2006 13:01:32 GMT -5
Often these girl bullies will grow up to become adult bullies. Their subtle form of manipulation worked well for them in school and they continue into adulthood, using it to move up the ladder at work and in social circles. Unfortunately, they learn to become even more adept at it and often become less subtle. By then, they are entrenched in their sphere and even adults are intimidated into accepting it or looking for a new job.
I'm sure many of us can look at our work and social experiences and recognize at least one adult bully we encountered in life.
Its important that we look for it and deal with it while they are still children so they don't continue their destructive path through life.
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annem
Founding Member
Posts: 138
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Post by annem on Mar 27, 2006 14:33:05 GMT -5
#00thinking# This stirs up some unpleasant memories ... My (now nearly 18 year old) son Sam was bullied twice during his school years ... and the first time was by GIRLS !!
They were older than him by about 1-2 years and surrounded him daily for a while in the playground ... he was about 8 ... and tormented him ... they called him names and basically their bullying was "psychological" rather than actually "physical" ...
Sam never said ONE WORD about it!! ... #00emb# but fortunately he had some friends who told us about it ... in detail ... but when we asked Sam about it he admitted it was happening but was convinced we couldn't DO ANYTHING to STOP it !! ...
However, we proved him wrong ... (partially thanks to a very pro-active Assistant Head Teacher!) ... we went down to see the Assistant Head who promised us there and then that now he knew about it the bullying would cease ... and it DID !! ..
I guess what I am trying to say is two things... one that girls are very "different" in their bullying tactics than boys ..but JUST as devastating .... and two that it is VERY likely your child will NOT tell you that it is going on ... oh but number three is that once YOU know and can inform others in authority it CAN make all the difference in the world!! ...
Sam wasn't bullied again until High School .. but that is a whole "other" story ....
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Linda
Founding Member
Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Posts: 448
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Post by Linda on Mar 28, 2006 9:11:49 GMT -5
Girls also do their bullying over the internet....I was a little "snot" when I was a kid but I never did any of this....how sad for the girls that this is happening too! #00000angry#
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Post by misty on May 29, 2006 20:51:54 GMT -5
Help Your Child Become Bully-Wise Dr. Steven Richfield www.parentcoachcards.comWhat advice do you have about bullying? Our sixth grader is a smart and pleasant kid who usually enjoys school. His teachers describe him as a capable and enthusiastic learner who gets along well with his peers. Unfortunately, they don’t hear the taunts and see the bullying that takes place behind the scenes at recess, within the cafeteria, or on the bus. In fact, the boys responsible for the bullying also have a reputation as “nice kids.” What do we do? Bullying is a serious and pervasive problem in today’s schools. It may take the form of verbal teasing and name-calling or actual physical contact, such as pushing, tripping, or shooting rubberbands at one’s chosen target. One only has to think back to the catastrophic effects that such behavior has led to in schools such as Columbine to appreciate the damage it inflicts upon the inner fabric of children. Yet, even if a child target of bullying would never retaliate, he or she can may carry emotional wounds that can affect their future decision-making, self-image, and socialization. Today’s children who hurt their peers often don’t fit the stereotyped profile associated with bullies. Instead of being the unhappy, isolated figure with poor self-esteem, they may appear as the friendly, popular, and good student. Also, the bully may mistreat only one child, rather than display a bullying demeanor towards the peer group. And perhaps most daunting is that today’s bully has become very adept at concealing his/her mistreatment of their chosen target, thereby leaving intact their reputation as a “nice kid.” These variables make it especially important for children confronted by bullies to feel safe to confide in parents and teachers, and to be empowered by actions taken on their behalf. Here are some suggestions to help your child become “bully-wise:” Don't minimize the significance of what is happening to them. Children may experience much pressure not to “tattle” due to the associated negative connotations. Parents are wise to validate their children’s feelings and perceptions, rather than simply tell them to “deal with it.” Emphasize that their rights to feel safe in school are being violated, and promise them that you will take action to correct the situation. Help your child consider if their behavior draws them into the bully “firing zone.” While not excusing the bully, gently suggest to your child that they may be drawing negative attention to themselves. Bullies tend to target children who possess certain “red flags.” These include poor hygiene, clothing that is immature for their age, attention-seeking and/or regressive behaviors, and self-control problems. If your child displays any of these red flag behaviors, offer to help them upgrade. Explain that even after the bullying stops, others in their peer group will make negative decisions about them based upon these behaviors. Report the bullying to the teacher and school principal. Certainly the school must be notified of the events reported by your child. Provide as much detail as possible as to the exact words and actions attributed to the bully. Request that your child not be questioned in the presence of the bully. Ask the principal to call the bully’s parents. Ask your child to listen to your conversation with the principal so that they can model this type of self-assertion. Lastly, but most critically, call the bully’s parents. Do not allow the solution to be the dominion of the school. Allow the bully’s parents to hear about your child’s struggles in a respectful and tactful manner. Suggest to them that you are calling as a gesture of good will, since you would want to be similarly informed if they were calling the school to complain about your child. Parents of bullies have the most pointed impact upon bullying behavior, but only if we can stand up and let them know about it. Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, PA. He has developed a child-friendly, self-control/social skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards now in use in thousands of homes and schools around the world. His new book, The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747) He can be contacted at director@parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450. To learn more about Parent Coaching Cards, read more parenting columns, or review the press kit to The Parent Coach, visit www.parentcoachcards.com.
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Post by cynthiatweedle on May 29, 2006 21:53:55 GMT -5
Sounds like some very good advice to me. It would be hard to call the parents though I think that would be a good thing to do if the parent calling can keep their cool.
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Post by misty on May 29, 2006 23:30:46 GMT -5
I know! It would be hard to keep your cool when you're child is being bullied! I think I'd have to rehearse my speech first!
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Post by Charlie Girl on May 30, 2006 0:05:42 GMT -5
I never called a parent about bullying in school. I have talked to the school staff and I have called the parents of one child who was bullying my son, but only when it happened outside of school.
I have talked to my son about things that may set him up as a target. The bullying stopped finally and he actually is friends with the kid now, so something worked.
I like that article. It gives you something to think about that you and your child can do other than just complain.
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Post by misty on Jun 1, 2006 0:33:35 GMT -5
I like that article. It gives you something to think about that you and your child can do other than just complain. I Agree! It gives some great pointers. I wish I had seen that article earlier this school year!
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