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Post by Charlie Girl on Sept 10, 2006 12:06:26 GMT -5
A friend of my son's has FAS. Recently my son hasn't wanted to play with him because he isn't interested in the things my son is. I was mortified the other day when my son told the other boy's mother he wouldn't go to play with her son because no other kids would be there to play with. He got into trouble for that, but I would like to encourage them to remain friends.
Does anyone have any experience with children with this? Are there ideas I can use to encourage them to do things together and maintain their friendship?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
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Post by jj on Sept 10, 2006 13:36:39 GMT -5
I don't have any experience but have been briefly around kids with FAS where I volunteer so I really don't know how they act or play. I do think it is wonderful you want to encourage your son to remain friends.....I just had to tell you that. The only thing that crosses my mind is maybe ask your son how he would feel if no one wanted to play with him. Maybe ask him what this other kid does like to do and that may spur some ideas from you. Maybe if you and your son both put your heads together you could come up with something they could both do together?
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Post by misty on Sept 10, 2006 13:53:55 GMT -5
Well, I don't know ANY kids with that at all. You say your son used to play with the child alot, but now has no interest. Are you certain its not just a case of friends growing apart? I think you were correct to punish him for being so openly rude, btw. But I'm just thinking if they have grown apart they may never really be friends again & forcing the issue may make your son resentful.
Shannon has grown apart from a few friends over the years. I do encourage her to be polite & nice & friendly with these children when circumstances occur that they end up having to be together, but I don't make her go out of her way to invite them here or anything. I figure she has to learn herself what friends she wants to keep & which ones are no longer to her liking.
I do not, however ,put up with rudeness or mean behavior. I remind her that once upon a time that person was her friend & that they had qualities she liked. I encourage her to think back on the fun they had when she has to be with them now so that her demeaner towards them is friendly & nice. I teach her never to make fun of them or be rude, even if all her other friends are doing so.
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Post by Charlie Girl on Sept 10, 2006 14:33:50 GMT -5
The main thing is that the boy tends to prefer games that can only be played by one person at a time, but he likes to have other kids around. His parents work hard to get him to be more social and I am hoping for some insight as to things that they can be encouraged to do together that won't be too much for him, but will be enough for my son.
I don't like the idea of him being excluded by his peers in his own home. He is more outgoing than he used to be.
I also want my son to learn compassion and that he can go out of his way to help others. They don't have to play together a lot, but I want him to remain friends with a child who really does need friends.
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Post by sandi777 on Dec 8, 2006 8:57:48 GMT -5
::)Merry Christmas,,,,,,,,,i am raising two grandkids that are special needy,,,,they both have odd,,fas,ddo,,adhd one also has tourettes and bipolar,,,and the other also has rages and braindamage,,,,now they are beautiful babies,,,,7 and 11,,,,but i have learned with them,,,,that kids grow out of kids,,,,yes they were friends,,but there is a time that children and adults grow out of each other,,,we would not want anyone to force us to be friends with someone so think about it we can't do the same,,,just relax,,,and don't force,,,it is ok,,,he is growing up,,,but you as both parents can do things that they are there,,,,i hope i have helped you,,,,i just know that forceing won't work
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Post by Charlie Girl on Dec 8, 2006 12:14:39 GMT -5
I do realize that he has probably outgrown that friendship but he still gets very upset when other friends of his go to that boy's house and he isn't invited. I had hoped to have some ideas of things they could do together and with others as a group.
He still likes the boy but can't seem to find that common ground. I think part of it is that both of them have conditions that make it easy for them to be head strong and impulsive.
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Post by crazyhouse on Dec 11, 2006 2:22:39 GMT -5
OK my husband 31 year old now was a fetal acohol baby, he was also born addicted to drugs. I'm not sure about what sets him apart from the crowd but there is something. Tom has this type of glow almost like an aura if you will. People find him to be the nicest guy they ever met!! All the time he makes friends every where we go. Anyways I always believed it was the structure of his eyes from the fetal alchol syndrome that made him that way. He played a lot of eye hand coordination games as a kid. You just have to find the something in common. At the same time if it is not working out don't wait until they get in a fist fight to defuse the situation. Thats the best I got sorry it's not more
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